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>From jokes-digest-owner@csv.warwick.ac.uk Sat Sep  7 11:28:03 MES 1996 remote from wsrdb
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Subject: jokes-digest: women2.txt
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From: esuvy@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Peter Bishop)
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ELEMENT:        Women

SYMBOL:         Wo

DISCOVERER:     Adam

ATOMIC MASS:    Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg

OCCURRENCES:    Copious quantieties in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1.  Surface usually covered in painted film

2.  Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason

3.  Melts if given special treatment

4.  Bitter if incorrectly used

5.  Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore

6.  Yields if pressure applied in correct places

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1.  Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones

2.  Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

3.  May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason

4.  Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of
    alcohol

5.  most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:

1.  Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars

2.  Can be a great aid to relaxation

3.  Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:

1.  Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state

2.  Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS:

1.  Highly dangerous except in experienced hands

2.  Illegal to prossess more than one, although several can be maintained
    at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct
    contact with each other

-- 
Peter Bishop. [esuvy@csv.warwick.ac.uk]
Joke of the week mailing list: 
Mail majordomo@csv.warwick.ac.uk with the line subscribe jokes-digest
  SATURDAY 7 SEPTEMBER 1996 





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