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Sysadmin Log FH

From: marty@bga.com (Marty Hobratschk)
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
Subject: Sysadmin Log FH
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 1996 19:14:03 GMT
Organization: Real/Time Communications Internet customer posting
Message-ID: <4qpdl9$u9m@news3.realtime.net>

Thought you all might get a kick out of this ... it was channeled to
me by a mystic sysadmin from a fog-shrouded island to the west.

>- ------
>User called to say they forgot password.  Told them to use password retrieval 
>utility called FDISK.  Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we 
>let the people vote and drive, too?
>Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave
>them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me."  Let
>them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffee-maker from the UPS and plugged 
>their server back in.  Suggested they try it again.  One more
>happy customer...
>8:14 am
>User from 8:05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 
>0."  Told them it was an OS problem.  Transferred them to microsupport.
>11:00 am
>Relatively quiet for last few hours.  Decide to plug support phone back in
so I 
>can call my girlfriend.  Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put 
>her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is 
>she thinking?  The "Myst" and "Doom" nationals are this weekend!
>11:34 am
>Another user calls (do they ever learn?).  Says they want ACL changed on  HR
>performance review database so that nobody but HR can access
>database. Tell them no problem.  Hang up.  Change ACL.  Add@MailSend so 
>performance reviews are sent to */US.
>12:00 pm
>3:30 pm
>Return from lunch.
>3:55 pm
>Wake up from nap.  Bad dream makes me cranky.  Bounce servers for no reason. 
>Return to napping.
>4:23 pm
>Yet another user calls.  Wants to know how to change fonts on form. Ask them 
>what chip set they're using.  Tell them to call back when they find out.
>4:55 pm
>Decide to run "Create Save/Replication Conflicts" macro so next shift has 
>something to do.
>- -------
>8:30 am
>Finish reading support log from last night.  Sounded busy. Terrible time with 
>Save/Replication conflicts.
>9:00 am
>Support manager arrives.  Wants to discuss my attitude.  Click on PhoneNotes 
>SmartIcon.  "Love to, but kinda busy.  Put something in the calendar 
>database!"  I yell as I grab for the support lines, which have (mysteriously) 
>lit up.  Walks away grumbling.
>9:35 pm
>Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee.  Tell them they need form 
>J-19R=3D9C9\\DARR\K1.  Say they never heard of such a form. Tell them it's in 
>the SPECIAL FORMS database.  Say they never heard of such a database. Transfer 
>them to janitorial closet in basement.
>10:00 am
>Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID. Tell her I
>employee number, department name, manager name, and marital status. Run 
>@DbLookup against state parole board database, Centers for Disease Control 
>database, and my Oprah Winfrey database.  No hits. Tell her ID will be ready 
>tonight.  Drawing from the lessons learned in last week's "Reengineering for 
>Customer Partnership," I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment.
>10:07 am
>Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement. Offer to 
>train him on Notes.  Begin now.  Let him watch console while I grab a smoke.
>1:00 pm
>Return from smoking break.  Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he
>them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.
>1:05 pm
>Big commotion!  Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor tiles 
>outside his office door.  Stress to him importance of not running
>in computer room, even if I do yell "Omigod -- Fire!"
>1:15 pm
>Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts in form 
>names.  Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix  it. Hang up 
>and run global search/replace using gaks.
>1:20 pm
>Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls.  Says she keeps getting calls for "Notice 
>Loads" or "NoLoad Goats," she's not sure, couldn't hear over industrial-grade 
>blender.  Tell her it was probably "LettuceNodes." Maybe the food distributor 
>with a new product?  She thinks about it and hangs up.
>2:00 pm
>Legal secretary calls and says she lost password.  Ask her to check her purse, 
>floor of car, and on bathroom counter.  Tell her it probably fell out of back 
>of machine.  Suggest she put duct tape over all the air vents she can find on 
>the PC.  Grudgingly offer to create new ID for her while she does that.
>2:49 pm
>Janitor comes back.  Wants more lessons.  I take off rest of day.
>- ---------
>8:30 am
>Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form. Tell
>Of course, they should have been checking "Bitset," not "chipset." Sheepish 
>user apologizes and hangs up.
>Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office.  Schedules 10:00am 
>meeting with me.  User calls and wants to talk to support manager about 
>terrible help at support desk.  Tell them manager is about to go into
>meeting.  Sometimes life hands you material...
>10:00 am
>Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me.  Go to support manager's 
>office.  He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several
>lateral career moves.  Most involve farm implements in third-world countries 
>with moderate to heavy political turmoil.  By and by, I ask if
>he's aware of new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail databases
>puts all references to furry handcuffs and BambiBoomer in Marketing on the 
>corporate Web page. Meeting is adjourned as he reaches
>for keyboard, Web browser, and Tums.
>10:30 am
>Tell Louie he's doing great job.  Offer to show him mainframe corporate PBX 
>system sometime.
>11:00 am
>4:55 pm
>Return from lunch.
>5:00 pm
>Shift change;  Going home.
>- --------
>8:00 am
>New guy ("Marvin") started today.  "Nice plaids" I offer.  Show him server 
>room, wiring closet, and technical library.  Set him up with IBM PC-XT. Tell 
>him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both monochrome and color.
>8:45 am
>New guy's PC finishes booting up.  Tell him I'll create new ID for him. Set 
>minimum password length to 64.  Go grab smoke.
>9:30 am
>Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin.  "Nice plaids" Louie comments. Is
>guy great or what?!
>11:00 am
>Beat Louie in dominos game.  Louie leaves.  Fish spare dominos out of sleeves 
>("Always have backups").  User calls, says Accounting server is
>down. Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and
>plug back into hub.  Tell user to try again.  Another happy customer!
>11:55 am
>Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: "Whereas all new employee
>on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all proper aspects with said corporation, 
>said employee is obligated to provide sustenance and relief
>to senior technical analyst on shift."  Marvin doubts.  I point to "Corporate 
>Policy" database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself!).
>"Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO peppers!" I yell to Marvin as he 
>steps over open floor tile to get to exit door.
>1:00 pm
>Oooooh!  Pizza makes me so sleepy...
>4:30 pm
>Wake from refreshing nap.  Catch Marvin scanning want ads.
>5:00 pm
>Shift change.  Flick HR's server off and on several times (just testing the 
>On/Off button...).  See ya tomorrow.
>- ------
>8:00 am
>Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Told them it 
>worked fine before I left.
>9:00 am
>Marvin still not here.  Decide I might start answering these calls myself. 
>Unforward phones from Mailroom.
>9:02 am
>Yep.  A user call.  Users in Des Moines can't replicate.  Me and the Oiuji 
>board determine it's sunspots.  Tell them to call Telecommunications.
>9:30 am
>Good God, another user!  They're like ants.  Says he's in San Diego and can't 
>replicate with Des Moines.  Tell him it's sunspots, but with a
>two-hour difference.  Suggest he reset the time on the server back two hours.
>10:17 am
>Pensacola calls.  Says they can't route mail to San Diego.  Tell them to set 
>server ahead three hours.
>11:00 am
>E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time their 
>servers.  I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee.
>11:20 am
>Finish @CoffeeMake macro.  Put phone back on hook.
>11:23 am
>Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.
>11:25 am
>Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit.  "So hard to get
>help..." I respond.  Support manager says he has appointment
>with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on
>the weekly department head meeting for him.  "No problem!"
>11:30 am
>Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a meeting this 
>afternoon.  "Yeah, sure.  You can bring your snuff" I tell him.
>12:00 am
>1:00 pm
>Start full backups on UNIX server.  Route them to device NULL to make them
>1:03 pm
>Full weekly backups done.  Man, I love modern technology!
>2:30 pm
>Look in support manager's contact management database.  Cancel 2:45
>for him.  He really should be at home resting, you know.
>2:39 pm
>New user calls.  Says want to learn how to create a connection document. Tell 
>them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC
>rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport.
>2:50 pm
>Support manager calls to say mixup at doctor's office means appointment 
>cancelled.  Says he's just going to go on home.  Ask him if he's seen
>Web page lately.
>3:00 pm
>Another (novice) user calls.  Says periodic macro not working. Suggest they 
>place @DeleteDocument at end of formula.  Promise to send them document 
>addendum which says so.
>4:00 pm
>Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white.  Also set point 
>size to "2" in help databases.
>4:30 pm
>User calls to say they can't see anything in documents.  Tell them to go to 
>view, do a "Edit -- Select All", hit delete key, and then refresh.
>Promise to send them document addendum which says so.
>4:45 pm
>Another user calls.  Says they can't read help documents.  Tell them I'll fix 
>it.  Hang up.  Change font to Wingdings.
>4:58 pm
>Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens.  Not (too) much.
>5:00 pm
>Night shift shows up.  Tell that the hub is acting funny and to have a good 

The opinions here are mine, alright?

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